It's been raining for the past few days. Although i have always seen the rain as kind of being romantic, the rain this time round seems to add on to the gloom that is lingering everywhere. Maybe its the thought of school reopening, maybe its because of the flu bug (ym's tearing and his nose's running while cc speechless...it could also be because of 海鸟 和鱼相爱 that's inducing this flu - like syndrome amongst us) but everyone seems to be in low spirits even myself. It's now a couple of days into the new year and it's funny that i don't seem to have any new year resolutions. Maybe i'm procrastinating, maybe i'm still undecided, maybe there is too much at stake...i don't know and i really wish i could just heck it with everything. Maybe i should just read my books (arts, science whatever the genre is) and maybe develop a keener interest for physics and maybe the humanities otherwise i could train my biceps though the overcast sky is making me feel lethargic. As for relationships...well everyone needs a bit of love or lust whatever, i guess its all wired genetically since time antiquity, primordial instinct which you can't escape (don't sell me your moral bullshit based on groundless ideals that you want people to believe you practice) the question is however what price are you willing to pay for it? 0.1 of your cap, half of your allowance, 30% of your time or maybe even more. Well, i use to put my gf at the top of the pirority list, nowadays i think that's not very wise. First, you're bound to be shortchanged because she ain't going to invest that same amount of time, effort, concern on you and at the end of the day, you just feel stupid for giving up so much inexchange for nothing or whatever little you get. Secondly, while a relationship probably keeps you sane in an insane world, its also a source of agonizing torment. Ironically, having been at the "shortchanged" end (or rather "victimised" end and knowing how tormenting it can be, i'm beginning to aspire to become an "aggressor" haha, so i guess my perfect girlfriend would be someone understanding, who wouldn't bother me when i'm working on myself and i wouldn't feel guilty negelcting her. Thats just the main requirement, preferably someone who can understand my jokes and my poems as well , you know, the asthetic appeal of words. In short, it would bebest if she can read my mind. I hate all those guessing and stupid mind games, i either stay away girls of such nature or if i'm feeling a little revengeful, snub them a little, sort of boosts your ego haha. Oh i'm so selfish, i guess i have to be so until i find someone who loves me more than herself then i'll have to consider being CPT (not copying somebody's "MCP" k, CPT = Cute Physics Teacher haha), maybe have to wait another 10 years but its ok because i think i'll live to eighty and i'll stay fit till sixty, many years to enjoy my life and marriage. Oh yeah, i'm lonely but there's a new found freedom that excites me, what can i say, there's no such thing as the best of both worlds, only a compromise and learn to live with that. Oh yeah... i won't be blogging so frequently when school reopens, tired of crapping so much (perpetuates a false side of me as well), i just wanna hide in my shell and hibernate, see you next summer...arrgh, depends on my mood.